Still high and flying

Listening to J Holiday in the background just makes me feel so empty. "..I'm staring at you while ur asleep.." is something I wish or at least its something I wanna feel before I leave this beautiful world. The feeling of true love, so strong and definitely unbreakable - til death do us part so they say.. How is it are we to achieve this feeling? Especially when everything feels the same during the first "butterfly in your stomach" month. Every time we meet someone new, everything just seems so right - seems so perfect. Why don't we judge them true their flaws first than to fall for the good ignoring the bad?

*Background music Valentine by The Get Up Kids

We always remind ourselves before taking that first step but yet we still make the same mistake. And somehow it becomes this trend we create on our self which leads to a bad image put on ourselves. Maybe because what we seek somehow don't match what the others seek? I would be lying if I say at times yes I do just seek for sex and nothing more than that, but sadly I'm a 'relationship whore' and sadly I have to say that there are not much of my kind around now. Doesn't anyone now want to feel what's it like to love and be loved? Has the feeling of sex powered down the feeling of love? If this how it is now, sadly I would choose to walk away from all this and let go of everything.

*Background music Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

Lalala is what is spinning in my head now, just spinning and spinning. 0421Hrs is the time and I think I babbled up something about love. Its something that I'm missing alot. I wanna be loved and I definitely want to love. It's something that would complete me. It would balance my darkness in life, a certain part that you could call my alter ego. Plus me not working now is affecting me even more,. I'm out every night, I'm partying alot ignoring my problems and pretending that everything is ok when it is actually not ok. Clearly I'm running away from my priorities - and certainly that's not me. I'm not lacking in anyway, just maybe I'm just not paying attention too much to my family which I know is not stable now. I just feel somehow I need a rest away from them but not because I don't love them but just because I could handle a certain limit of drama and when it gets tooooooo dramatic already, I just don't know how to handle it and I'll leave.

Gosh, my eyes are getting really heavy already. I wonder why. Shish.

Well, I've got exactly 1 more week til work starts. And believe it or not, I have not resign from MAS. SHIT! I think I should go do it next week. Settle whatever I have to settle before anything happens. I mean they can fire me, but that's about it I guess. Aiyo, paranoia hitting in already!

*Background music Empty by The Click Five

Its empty. Sigh. We're empty. If all of us are empty then maybe we are all trying to hard. I just realize how its so true! Maybe we should all not try so hard then everything will be perfect. Right? I think I should be buzzing of soon. I'm thinking way to deep and my mind is tired. This will be continued definitely!