FREEDOM!

Me not going for Freedom. Damn! Last year was good., Damn good! ARGH!!!

Im so jealous to who is going!!!!!

The "brighter" side.

Where do I go from here,
everything is such a blur,
Im trying to find a place,
where everything is just bright and full of light,
Im just looking for that "brighter" side.
But where is it?

I've accepted what has happen,
but why am I still here,
Im trying to be strong
but nothing is coming along,
I've heard what I wanted to hear
even tho it hurts,
but why am I still holding on?

So I lay down and shut my eyes,
took a deep breath and sigh,
float to a special place of mine
where all my memories lie,
and gave it my one last cry.

Where am I now,
is where I should be,
soon I would find that place,
where everything is just bright,
where there is light,
called the "brighter" side..
Soon...

The continuation..

Its hot today. Washed my car myself just now in the morning. Shirtless. I felt so sexy actually. Right after the car wash I decided that I want to redecorate my room., I ended up rearranging my bed and my table. Since there is alot of space now, mum gave me the sheep skin rug that I've been wanting for so long. It fits perfectly find. :-) Loves it!

Anyways back to my story just now..,

So yea I got retrenched. "Due to the economic crisis that the world is facing, we have decided to close all international crew base.. yada yada yada". It was kinda expected. 'A' just arrived into Toronto and the office calls saying 'A' you dont need to operate back tmrw, you have to ACM (as passenger..) back all the way to KUL and when asked why "SECURITY CLEARANCE". Cut the story short we got 1 month compensiation pay and plus some other benefits.

Basically I've been a bummed for nearly 2 months now. Just doing nothing. I'm sleeping in the day, out in the night, sometimes I even sleep the whole day not getting out of my room, sometimes I don't even sleep. I was getting so bored. So what do you do when you get bored, you find for excitement rite?

So I went on a couple of dates, first one wasnt my time but he tried. Then there was the forbidden fruit which I decided to pluck again but ended up with nothing. There was another one.. but I wont talk about him.

Gosh suddenly horny. *shies away*

Weeks past and now I'm gonna start training with AirAsia on the 17th of June 2009. Hopefully everything would be better soon. It's good now but I want better!

Break up, retrenched, Air Asia?

We didn't hit the 1 year bench, I got retrenched from Jet Airways and thing's were a bit messy for awhile.

I would say that it was a selfish break up, but then again break up's cant be fair rite? Unless if it was a mutual decision. The break up is still so fresh in my head - liked it happened yesterday. I can't say that I didn't see it coming or I wasn't warned but I was just shocked that it actually came down to that. You know how it feels when your finally back in town after being away for days, besides your family you would obviously want to meet your partner/lover or whatever. Best part is you were also bearing some good news and yea you want to celebrate.

After sex, SLAM! ".. I think I'm confused.." A familiar line? I knew there was something bothering him but I wasn't expecting this. To be honest, at that point if I had a knife or a gun in my hand I would have killed him because the feeling of hatred exploded so hard. I felt disgusted. I felt used. I felt sad and most of all I felt so hurt. All this feelings had drained out my energy so all I could do that time was cry.

I'm not ashamed to admit this but I still do cry about it.

And Izmil being an idiot, ask for some time. Begged him to stay just for a week. That was one stupid move I did because the wound just got even deeper. Before the week ended, I came to collect my stuff. It ended when he said so. Its sad that I felt as I was the only hurting. I felt like I was nothing to him. I was crushed.

The next morning, or was it noon - I received a text. I was shocked! The exact words in my head was "he couldn't at least wait for a week or 2.. It had to be on the same night?.." It was a lil rough for me but somehow I managed to cope. I managed to project a strong "I dont give a fucked face" and at the same time "my life is nuthin without you around face". It was like a rollercoaster ride, but it was just going down.

After a month I got retrenched. Can you fucking believe it?


*to be continued...