What should I do?

Why?

I like putting myself into trouble. I dont know why! I guess I attract trouble and drama! Got some magnectic force in me! LOL. Its so hard now when everything is decided at early hand without thinking the outcome. How am I to deal with this? What should I do?

Everything happen at once. So fast. That I had not think of the posibilities if..

Maybe I wanted so bad to just live on my life. But now, it all hits me back so hard! What Im doing now is so wrong, and so fucking bad! (what goes around comes around they say...) I guess I just have to wait for karma again. Fucking karma! Someone once dedicated a song to me, it goes like this, "..heartbreaker you've got the best of me.." Ring a bell? Yea! I hate heartbreakers, i hate being heartbroken and i hate breaking people's heart! But then why? At the end of the day Im either one of those! I honestly am lost with myself. Complicatingly lost!

I have to do something before it gets worse. I cant afford to hurt anyone around me, with my doings. If only I could pause the world just for a few hours. And let me think in peace by myself. But in reality that just doesnt happen! Everything just ticks and ticks and doesnt stop ticking til you leave the stage. (refering to a posting, the world is a stage and we are the actors)

If the truth was announced, would it hurt?

DUH? Truth hurts! But I've got to state it out. And stop lying to myself or to others! (once you start lying you'll never stop..) How should I state out the truth? Where should I begin? What should I even say? I've always advice people to stop running away from their issues, but I want to runaway from this one! But I know I should not. Because I know how it feels like. Its not easy saying out the truth especially when you know you are in the wrong and it would bring tears to your eyes. (smoke gets in your eyes... )

Im so sorry.

Im so sorry. Im just so sorry. Im not angel. What Im doing is so wrong and I know that. But Its better it happen now then later when everything is already more fucked up. you can punch me if you want? Anything. ( you see how im not good at all this things! Its hard! WHY!?)